Spiderleg x Ben Shapiro
by MushroomQueen20
Summary: In this quirky Warrior Cats adventure; Ben Shapiro kills all the cats that Spiderleg has ever known and loved (with facts and logic of course.) What will he do now?


"Now, kits," Spooderlaig mewed. "The most important thing in the world is what?"

"An ethnostate with no kittypets or rogues!" Chaireekit and Tudkit chimed in.

"Can you name the impurities- I mean different ones in Thunderclan?" Spadeerlig asked.

"Over there is MeelE... and of course there's Foorstare. Oh! And Daysee!" shouted Cerrikit.

Greystip glared at Spiderlag, and wrapped his tail around his mate, Mellie. Spidarleeg didn't seem to notice, as he never took his gaze off of his kits.

"Wait a second," Toodkit mewed. "Dasie is our mother."

Spudilerg gave a gigantic belly laugh and smiled. He then wearily sighed, "Little ones, you have a lot to learn. I only wanted Daisy for a cheep thrill."

The two kits tilted their heads, but shrugged it off a heartbeat later.

"Name some cats here who would be drowned in the Woonclun streaaaaaeeeemmmmmmmm when I become Spaidoorstah."

Charrikit went first. "Barrynoose, Hahzeeltale, Mooswhaiskaur, Milii..."

When Chreekit started to run out of ideas, Tooooooaaauuuddkit helped her.

"Fairstair, Cloodtul, Whitwang, Squirfligh, Leepool, Lyanpaw, Holeepar, Jarpaw..."

Spederlang mewed, "not bad, not bad. My army will gain more recruits, and will inscrease in size and strength every day for moons and moons to come."

Spadelerg twisted and turned in his nest, tossing small tufts of moss and some strands of his fur. He was in a deep sleep. In his dream, there was a fresh kill pile all to himself with Sadsturm and Assfure coming back every few moments to bring back more prey. Spileg ate and ate until his stomach was going to burst. Taking a moment to digest, he looked across the clearing, seeing his clan mates starving. Then the earth shook, and he fell into a pouch of kool aid and he was slurrrrrrrrpped up by a thicc-set twoleg kit.

Spodareleahg woke up in a cold sweat, and found that the warriors den wasn't filled with the normal sounds of snoring and deep breathing, but was dead silent.

"Looking for something, kitty cat?" a naisly voice said outside the den. A dark silhouette of a twoleg was kneeling down, patiently waiting for Sppooperleaugue.

Surely this twoleg wasn't a threat if Speedarleg could understand him? Cautiously, he stepped over the motionless and cold bodies of his clanmates. He then made it to the mouth of the warriors den, and stepped out, his black and brown pelt glowing from the moon.

The twoleg then bent down and looked Spiderleeg dead into his eyes.

"Yes, I know you daddy," Spiderlerg mewed, his voice full of l u s t . "You're Ben Shapiro."

"Came here, Spedarlueg-San," Ben Shapiro meowed.

He got into a playful position, and licked Spifferbeg until his tongue looked like a cat in his own mouth.

"That was great fun, Benny," Spadelerg mewed, purring so deeply he had to keep himself from staggering over.

Fersrar and Sundsterm came out of the den in the Highrock, their eyes filled with sleep.

"Wut es 2 legs do in heart of Thunderclan territory?" Rustee asked!

"Ye. Y are u here Ben Shapeero?" Sainsrerm added.

"Oh mai Starclan, you don't know who Ben Shapiro is?" Spuderlagging asked.

"No!" The leedair and his m8 replied.

"Ben Shapiro bulldoze Palestinian village to own da libtards, isn't that right Benny senpai?" Spiderleh purred.

"Yes, my little kit kat," Ben Shapiro answered. "I suck the blood from children with luekemia to own the libtard who make the John Lennon song Imagine." Ben Shapiro then licked Sparelegs in between his ears.

"WARRIORS," Ferraristar yowled, "ATTACK!!!"

But there was nothing.

The warriors den was inspected and they found that everyone was the big die.

"I did it," Benny daddy said.

"Did what?" Fernstar asked.

"I kill the warriors with gas to own the libs"

"Y?"

"Because 6 million"

"Wut"

"6 milleeon."

"Mkay."

"I thought you'd understand.

"Of course. I am Firstra and I accept everyone regardless of whether or not they have morals or any skills that could help my clan."

2 days later Firestar lost all his remaining lives drowning in a lake.

Despairlegs chased out the rest of the Thunderclan cats so that the camp belonged only to him, and his pink-fleshed manlet daddy, Benjamin Shapiro. They had 2 babies, Moshematzah and Shylashekel. And then they had babies with each other. And so on and so on and they were all happy and the end.


End file.
